is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
