At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
