I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
