Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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