whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
