dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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