i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
