i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
