the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just want nice things and good sex
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
