i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
