Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
