My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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