btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
