Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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