dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
