Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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