Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
