I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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