Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
