I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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