this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
