Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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