i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
