A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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