i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
