perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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