I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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