Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Randomize
