everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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