So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
