so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
