He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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