I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
