it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
