let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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