i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
