Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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