pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
