Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
