So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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