Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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