in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
