i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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