Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This baby is an asshole
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
