I'm going to jail i love you
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
COCAINE IS GR8
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
