I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
