They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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