i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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