Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
