So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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