you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
