Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
