First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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