You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
