Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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