I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
