so that wasnt chicken after all
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
